Book Review: I wish I knew this earlier: Lessons on love by Toni Tone.

Blurb

Review of I wish I knew this earlier: Lessons on love by Toni Tone.

We’ve all been on promising dates that left us feeling worse in the long run, suffered from breakups we might have mishandled, or stayed in relationships which should have worked but didn’t. So what are we missing?

Don’t panic! Toni Tone is here to give the big sister advice we all need: discovering what we want from a connection, flourishing through heartbreak, and learning the vital importance of difficult conversations for growth and self-respect.

Speaking from a place of experience and empathy, she talks through the value of intuition, asking questions, and taking responsibility for the choices we make, offering practical, simple advice to improve any relationship, and insight into our own behaviours.

From comfort zones and goal setting to healthy boundaries and keeping yourself centred, Toni offers the loving, healing and authentic common sense lessons that aren’t so common.

It may just change your life.

Book details

Format: 160 pages, Paperback

Published: October 14, 2021 by Fourth Estate

ISBN: 9780008458249 (ISBN10: 0008458243)

My Review of I wish I knew this earlier: Lessons on love by Toni Tone.

This is the best book I’ve read so far this month. It’s as if Tone wrote those words specially for me because I resonated with every lesson in the book. This is one of the reasons I love reading books, because they make me feel seen. I wouldn’t know some other person has experienced the exact same things I have experienced in my life. And how will I know that it is okay to make certain mistakes because life has no manual, if I don’t read?

I listened to the audiobook version and enjoyed the camaraderie spirit that oozed from the voice of the narrator saying, “you are not alone sis, I’ve been there, done that.” This book deals with three stages of love and relationship; falling in love, breaking up, and healing.

Though there is no manual to love, there are certain things that must be in place before falling in love. First, you need to be sure that you and your potential partner both want the same thing. Like Tone rightfully says, you cannot love someone into loving you.

Love is a deliberate and conscious action people take. If it is not deliberate, then it is definitely not love. I used to make this mistake before in my life, I used to think that you could make someone love you exactly the way you wish for, when you love them deeply. But it doesn’t work that way. You can never love someone into loving you.

Review of I wish I knew this earlier: Lessons on love by Toni Tone.

So according to her lessons, if you are in a situation where you are doing too much to make the other person love you, then you should never be with them, because it won’t end well.

Also, a romantic relationship must be defined in clear terms. Again, this is one of the mistakes young people make in love. You do not have to be with someone who do not want to be in a relationship with you, but wants to enjoy the perks of being in a relationship.

Your feelings and choices matter, and you shouldn’t be scared of voicing them out. You should know what you want and then go for it. If the other party is not able to give you what you want, then that is a cue for you to leave them alone.

Review of I wish I knew this earlier: Lessons on love by Toni Tone.

An important lesson I learnt from this book which I wish I knew earlier is eliminating the idea of loving someone’s potential. Most times we are carried away by people’s potentials that we fail to realize we are only loving an imaginary picture of them, and not the real them. We are swayed by what we think they are, and how we think they can love us, without realizing that is not who they are. We should not be swept away by an illusion that doesn’t exist, what you see is what you get.

If someone does not really love you like you crave to be loved now, there is no guarantee they would do that in the future. And loving an illusion of someone only leaves you shattered and heartbroken in the future.

A very important lesson from this book is that we should also look out for green flags with the same energy we look out for red flags in relationships. The society has made us obsessed with red flags and negativity that we almost forget to appreciate the goodness in people and their amazing green flags. We are always in a hurry to find faults in people that we fail to see the light that they carry, their best features.

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I also learned how very normal it is to enjoy a peaceful relationship void of chaos and drama. In our world today, many people mistake love for fireworks. You hear people say, “If she doesn’t block and unblock you frequently, then she doesn’t love you.” Or, “your true love must stress you, and if they don’t do that then they don’t love you enough.” That’s some toxic belief.

People have so much associated love with toxicity and chaos that they don’t know what to do with a quiet, calm love. They don’t know how to handle a peaceful, serene relationship. Also, the environment and family backgrounds play great roles in influencing the way someone views love.

Review of I wish I knew this earlier: Lessons on love by Toni Tone.

If you grow up in an abusive home where your father always abuses your mother, then you are most likely to be attracted to abusive men, because that is what you are familiar with. People tend to cling to the familiar, because they are afraid of letting go, and starting all over again. But if someone isn’t right for your soul, the best thing to do is leave.

Tone also recommended Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages, as a book that would help you learn more about your partner’s love language, and then speak it fluently. Every individual has their own distinct love language they speak, how they want to be loved and know to show love. So it is pertinent everyone learns and understand their partner’s love language, so they will be able to love them better.

I also enjoyed Tone’s lessons on breaking up and moving on. Breaking up with someone you truly loved can be devastating, but it is important to choose your mental health and move on. Healing is not an easy phase. This minute you are laughing and trying to convince yourself and everyone around you that you are really okay, and the next minute you are grovelling and crying all over again.

There are things to bear in mind while moving on. You must prevent anything that will trigger your mental health. It is perfectly okay to block them on all social media platforms and delete their contacts. This would help you to pursue your peace and move on.

Review of I wish I knew this earlier: Lessons on love by Toni Tone.

Finally, Tone advises everyone to not settle for less than what they deserve. What you want really exists, so you do not need to settle for just anyone until you find it. Love is a beautiful thing if you find your own person. I thoroughly enjoyed this book, that if it is possible for me to give it a hundred stars, I will. But let me just rate it as 5/5, and wait till you all experience the goodness that it is.

Have you read the book? What do you think about it? Please share your thoughts with me in the comment section, and do not forget to subscribe to my newsletter and follow me on all social media platforms. Thank you for visiting Bookish Pixie.